a beautiful start to a lifelong love letter

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Photos by Mary Costa Photography

A few of my friends have gotten engaged in the past few months, and with that my own wedding has come and gone and I realized that I never told you guys how it went, what we did, etc. Probably because during the wedding I figured I’d sound like a stressed out crazy person, and right after I just wanted to relax and be married.

Now that I have gotten some distance from planning, partying, and basking in the glow of the married life, I wanted to give you a glimpse into my wedding and advice for yours (if you ever choose to get married and are thinking “what have I gotten myself into, read on!)

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* Enjoy your engagement: We were engaged for almost two years. I loved every second of it, and I would do it again in a heartbeat. I would say take a month (or two, or in our case, six!) to enjoy being engaged and the excitement of THAT before you even dive into planning. There are basically two options – you have a long engagement and a wedding planning that’s broken into two parts (big stuff like venue, location, date, then smaller stuff closer to the wedding), or you have a short engagement with no break in between. I loved hammering the big stuff out first then chilling for about six months before really getting into the nitty gritty.

*First thing: set your budget (low!): Unless you’re somehow lucky enough to have no budget, you have to do this part first. Set your budget for 25% less than what you think you can afford because it WILL go up. Talk to the players involved (parents, grandparents, etc.) and figure out what you are spending. Everything else comes after this – you can’t look at locations without knowing what you’re going to spend. And here is the truth – you can get married for $500 or $500,000, so nothing is too small – don’t freak yourself out about it too much. Weddings can be very expensive, but they also can be gorgeous on a budget.

Think about the 3 most important things: Think about the top three things that are important to you, and ask your fiance to do the same. For us, it was food, location, and dance time. That’ll help you identify where to spend the most on your wedding, and where you can cut corners. For example, I wasn’t super into a really fancy wedding dress, I didn’t feel like we needed a video (so we had a friend shoot one, thanks Megan!), but I knew that I wanted a DJ that would play what I wanted to hear and I knew that I wanted to get married outside. Figure out what these things are from the beginning and it’ll make planning a breeze.

*Identify your “events” surrounding the wedding: Nowadays people live all over and if you’re like me, you probably don’t have tons of money to just fly willy nilly all over the country (you’re saving for a  wedding, for goodness sake!) So figure out your expectations around the wedding first. Do you need t00o have a bachelorette or bachelor party with ALL wedding party present? Do you want a shower? Do you want to go dress shopping with your family? Do you want a big rehearsal dinner? Do you want a brunch the next day? Do you want to go straight on your honeymoon? Think about these things so you can work within your budget and your friends budgets – be respectful of your bridal party’s time, too! We had a small shower in Chicago with a rolled in bach dinner, and I had a bach weekend with my ladies in LA, which was all perfect!

* DIYing: If you’re DIY-ing everything, spread out the tasks so that each friend is doing one small thing. This helped us immensely at our wedding – Traci made our seating chart, Ellen did the table numbers, Corelyn and Melissa did the burlap/lace table clothes, Kylah was in charge of day-of flowers, and we all pitched in to make the bouquets and boutonnieres (well most my dad, but that’s ok). Plus, it was amazing to see all the crafts come together the day of – really special and humbling to see all the work my friends put in to the wedding!

* Remember it’s your wedding: Don’t give into wedding hype if you’re not into certain things (themes, wedding colors, favors, etc.) We had white linen at the wedding. We didn’t have a champagne toast. We didn’t do favors or seating cards. And it was all fine – people toasted with whatever they were drinking, we had a seating chart, and nobody even noticed. If you have something you care about, awesome. But if you’re not that into it, chances are you don’t need the “extras.” You also want the wedding to be personal to you – so remember that if you do want wedding colors and favors, and hand-written seating cards then you should have those things. See “think about the 3 most important things.”

* Things will go wrong – but it’s ok!: Things inevitably will go wrong, but they will be minor – as long as you let them be. We had a couple mishaps (Lauren in fact was the one who reminded me she forgot her bridesmaid dress) but it was fine. She got another dress. She still made the rehearsal dinner. If you just realize the day will be amazing no matter what, then mishaps will surely be breezed over.

I definitely have more advice specific and general, but this is getting long, so I’ll stop here. I will say this – email me or call me (or come over, let’s be real) and we can talk more. Let me know if you need helping planning your wedding (several of you engaged ladies know who you are who I’ve been harassing to give me assignments) and let me know if you have questions. I have a killer spreadsheet. Corelyn (for those of you who know her) was a great resource, too. Just remember this – your wedding is a start to your marriage. It’s a celebration of all that’s happened and all yet to come. It’s a day to remember for certain, and it will be beautiful.

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we felt like the luckiest ones

We’ve been bouncing around this summer, making plans every weekend and counting down until the wedding. Now that it’s August, I can officially say that I’m getting married next month (!) and so we’re gearing up and winding down all at once.

This weekend we’re headed to Montana to see Sierra and Dan get married, and I cannot wait. SS was my freshman year roommate, and she’s been dealing with my crazy for 10 years now. Dan and I also met freshman year, and Dan and Sierra started dating early on, which was cool for me because we were all friends and it made my life easier.

In 2006, the spring of our sophomore year, I made Sierra go to the Kasteel Well with me, leaving Dan behind in Boston. Lucky for us, he wrote to both of us frequently to keep us company, and he came to visit us halfway through our stay. We were supposed to go to Berlin, but Dan’s flight was delayed so we end up going for the weekend to Rotterdam. I don’t really know why I had invited myself on this weekend trip with Sierra and her boyfriend who had come all the way across the ocean to see her, but it seemed reasonable at the time (plus, let’s be honest, Dan was half there to see yours truly.)

So we headed South to Rotterdam, and we got a last minute hostel, and we tried to figure out what there was to do in Rotterdam. Turned out, there wasn’t much. So, one of our days was spent visiting the Euromast and obviously making a snowman.

DSCF8223 DSCF8195 DSCF8184The photo above of us in a reflection is the only one of the three of us I have from that trip, but I’ll never forget how much fun we had, despite being poor, cold, off-plan, and probably hungry (and under caffeinated!)

A few years later in 2008, we traveled together for spring break, heading to Los Angeles to see Jeff and potentially see if I could live there (I decided I could.) Here’s another horribly bad-slash-amazing picture of the three of us. What are we doing?

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I am so excited to be celebrating these two nearly ten years after I read them the entire list of ingredients in my multivitamins, interrupting their first date and being the classic annoying freshman year roommate. Sierra and Dan are two of the bests, the reals, the forever-friends. Though we see each other only a couple times of year, if that, we don’t let that stand in the way of this truth: they are my family.

I can’t wait to watch you two get married this weekend – I am so lucky to have such a great two friends in this world who happen to also love each other. Let’s maybe try to get a better photo this weekend, yeah?

Love has surely shifted my way

After near-radio silence, I’m happy to announce we have a venue, and a date for the Hayford/Palluzzi wedding!

After much research, we’ve decided on Kinney Bungalow in Narragansett, RI.

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I fell in love with this location when we were searching, because of its history, its name, its tie to the West Coast, its distance from the ocean, the fact that it is next to a farm…pretty much everything about it. I was happy to find it was free for September 27, 2014, our now-official wedding date!

Thank you to Lauren for actually heading to Rhode Island to check out the venue and confirm that she could see Jeff and I getting married here. Now comes the rest of the planning, details from the caterer to the dress to the flowers.

I am the worst wedding planner you guys, following in Nikki’s footsteps. Luckily I’ve had Corelyn and Jeff around (who are excellent planners) to keep me on task, and there has been emergency chocolate (sorry, Mary!) and movies and wine after both planning sessions.

I think now that we have a date and a venue, I will be on better behavior, and planning might even be fun from now on! No more lying on the floor proclaiming I am sending a proxy to get married to Jeff, or deciding that I don’t care where I get married, as long as it meets one hundred insane standards I’ve set for no reason.

Here goes nothing, everyone! (438 days to go!)

I would never, ever let you go

This past weekend I headed to the great state of Michigan to see another one of my besties married off. Brittany and I have been friends since we were 13, when I befriended her in hopes of getting one of her friends to date me (which totally worked.) Needless to say, that didn’t last, but our friendship persevered over the years through soccer teams, and classes that kicked our butts, and then through college 800 miles apart, and now living our lives wholly 2,000 miles door to door.

Every time I see her, she makes me giggle, smile, and usually cry because I am just so freaking happy to see her. I am so glad I made it to her big day, where I got to watch her marry her bff (besides me, of course ;)) and also catch up with friends from HS who I don’t get to see too often (my parents have since moved from my HS town, plus everyone is scattered like Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumbs across this great nation.)

Britty, Brother Llama, I love you. I am so happy for you and Allen!

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Thanks to Jeff for the photos (and more here.)