that’s why Rosa sat on the bus/that’s why we walk through Ferguson with our hands up

selma

I saw the movie Selma two nights ago and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I’ve been thinking about Eric Garner and Michael Brown and all of the other senseless killings that have happened and will happen since people marched in Selma, Alabama.

2014 has been a year of awakening for me and those around me in the world of feminism and racism and bigotry. It’s always been there – that we know. Every year there are senseless acts of violence all around us that have to do with all kinds of isms that make me feel so dispirited about the human condition. But this year, I know I stood up more and said, “No you don’t know what it’s like. Let me show you.”

I walked home from the movie theater at 10:00 pm after seeing Selma. I had my headphones on low because it was 10:00 pm, and I live in Hollywood, and I am a woman. Maybe if I was a man I’d do the same, I don’t know, but I only know my own experience: as a woman, I have to be looking out constantly for what’s around me. I check in front of me and behind me, side to side, I keep my head up and keep my eyes alert.

I know my own neighborhood, and I never felt unsafe on the fifteen minute walk home, but all women can attest that not only do you notice the faces around you (check out this post for a perfect explanation) because there could be danger anywhere, but also because of the little voice in the back of your head where you hear the questions people would ask if you were assaulted or worse: “Well, what was she wearing? Did she have headphones in? Why was she walking alone? Was she even looking around her? Did she have her phone out?”

I take this experience of walking home alone at 10:00 pm in a crowded city in yoga pants with headphones on, and I think about what it’d be like to be African-American, or any minority or anyone that looks different and think about the fact that they live with that every day. Every minute. Day or night, sunshine or not.

They think about what they look like. Who’s around them. What will be said if something happens to them. “Well what was he wearing, a hoodie? Who wears a hoodie? Were his pants on low? Did she defend herself with words? Did he reach at our around his waist or anywhere in his jacket or his shirt or in any way do a otherwise normal human action that would indicate that maybe he had a gun? Did she speak directly to the cop instead of getting on the ground immediately, hands up, despite not actually having done anything illegal?”

It’s tiring, you guys. It’s tiring to live in a world where the media tells women that they should be confident in a mini skirt but not too confident, because boys can’t help themselves, after all. It’s tiring to see another person pulled over because they look “off” to a police officer. It’s tiring to know that kids are getting shot for having fake guns (that we tell them it’s OK to own) and that they’re getting shot for having no guns at all. For walking in the street.

It’s tiring for people to blame it on the fact that they talked back to a cop (I mean, let’s be real, who hasn’t? Erin and Shane can back me up that cop in Meijer circa 2003 was being a jerk). It’s tiring to hear people blame it on the fact that maybe he had a little marijuana on him, or she was friends with drug dealers, or generally was a “bad seed.” Victim blaming is hateful, despicable, and ignorant.

We’re on the edge of 2015. Selma happened 50 years ago. 50 YEARS AGO. How are we still here? That’s not to say we haven’t made progress, because obviously we have. That President Barack Obama was elected is just one small testament to the fact that we’ve been fighting and working as a people to make changes. But we have so much further to go. Women deserve to be treated equally. Minorities deserve to be treated equally. EVERYONE deserves to be treated equally.

It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to say “Not me, I have a life and I’m doing that and ignoring the rest.” But as I heard on the radio this morning: to give up is a luxury. Because there are people who can’t ignore what’s going on, myself included. Because we live it, every day. I take the minuscule times a day I feel less than because I am a woman, and I can’t help but think enough is enough.

Enough is enough, you guys. Let’s make 2015 count. All (wo)men created equal. All men created equal. Let’s stand up in 2015. Let’s make changes. Let’s question authority and establishment, and status quo. Let’s finish what Jimmie Lee Jackson, and Martin Luther King, and Rosa Parks, and Viola Liuzzo started. #marchon

what humans could be.

The past few weeks have been uplifting and heartbreaking all at the same time. I’ve kept quiet because every time I write something pertaining to the police brutality or the killings in Pakistan or really, all over the globe, or the beheadings of journalists…I just don’t know how to say all I’m feeling and wishing and hoping. So I stay quiet, and I try to do best by the people I interact with every day, because I feel like that’s all I can do.

But I’ve been reading and listening a lot. I find when something makes me emotional, reading others’ opinions on the facts always shows me that people at the root of it, are good, and they have similar feelings to me, and they make me think, and that, if nothing else, helps calm my soul.

So here’s an article that just calls it like it is about Hollywood. Here’s a quote that really meant something to me, “You’re telling me no Mexicans are qualified to do anything at a studio? Really? Nothing but mop up? What are the odds that that’s true? The odds are, because people are people, that there’s probably a Mexican David Geffen mopping up for somebody’s company right now. The odds are that there’s probably a Mexican who’s that smart who’s never going to be given a shot.”

And here’s another thing: every Friday, at 7:25 (ish), my local NPR station (what what KPCC!) plays a Story Corps podcast. Most Fridays, I am in the car at this time, waiting for the moment, and nine times out of ten, it makes me cry – because humans are awful, or because humans are compassionate, or because humans are just so cruel/amazing/the worst. Now, usually I just tear up, but I’ll tell you something, this story just made me sob.

Because you guys,  how awesome is it that this air force colonel not only went with the idea that he was Santa, but he also called the radio station to say that the AIR FORCE WAS SEEING A SLEIGH. That, my friends, is just amazing. So many people in this world do really important life changing stuff, but sometimes it’s just how you treat others (whether they’re children or not) that is what you’re remembered for.

Also let’s take a minute for Serial being over.

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But seriously, go listen to RadioLab to fill the void. Just as interesting, usually with better endings (no offense to Sarah, we knew what we were getting ourselves into.)

At the end of a long week, at the end of a rambling blog post about many things large and small, I am signing off to go to bed to catch a plane to Chicago to see the family. I hope that you’re having a good holiday season, and that you can take some time to reflect on the events of humanity and just, for a second, breathe deep and help out a fellow human. I wish, as always, for peace this season.

5 Good Things: Hang a Shining Star

1. It’s Tuesday already, which means we’re one day closer to the weekend, when I am headed to see Theo (and the rest of the family) for Christmas!

2. Listening to all the Christmas jams, specifically “A Very Special Christmas” and Natalie Merchant’s “Children Go Where I Send Thee” and City High’s “Oh Come All Ye Faithful.”

3. We had our annual Yankee Swap this weekend, and I got a sweet macaroon kit that I am excited to try out. Also, this picture courtesy of Eva, as I didn’t know I was part of the photo.

YankeeSwap

4. Book Club tonight – I love one more gathering of most of my fave LA ladies before we all separate for the holiday season.

5. Banana bread, chocolate peanut butter cookies, truffles, and giant salads is pretty much all I’m eating for the next few days as the fridge clean out continues until we leave on Saturday.

Happy Tuesday, chickens, hope you’re having a lovely pre-holiday week!

put some face into it.

This past Monday, I went to a hip-hop dance class with T, C, and Cor. It’s the second time I’ve headed to dance with these ladies, this time a different studio than the last, but both times equally fun.

I am a terrible dancer, having stopped taking dance in my youth in favor of soccer. I never quite got the hang of shifting my weight in a way that could make it look like I was light on my feet. But I love dancing. I love dancing around my kitchen, in my car, at any bar/party/house/grocery store. So when T and C invited us to go, of course my answer was yes.

At class, our teacher was showing us how to pop and lock, how to do some fancy footwork, and generally how to move like we knew what we were doing – which we most certainly did not. But he said something that really applies to all life – “put some face into it.” He meant to put a smile on – act like you know what you’re doing, like what you’re doing is what you MEAN to be doing. Add your own flair to what you’re doing, too, because your own touches make it seem even more right. Fake it til you make it – and smile all the while.

Well, I might have barely learned 16 counts of dance moves to a Bruno Mars song, but I had an hour of fun, I put some face into it, and I got some exercise in on the way. The teacher told me I did great at the end, and that stuck with me, too – because a) I am pretty sure I didn’t but I appreciated the support and b) because I really did smile and laugh the whole time because I was having a good time (remind anyone of going to yoga with me?)

I think I’ll be back with T and C to shake it til I make it, face included.

Happy hump day, chickens!

to be her is surely blinding

Well friends, I did it! Today was my second 10K and, true to my previous post, I finished. And I PR’d (1:18:36, off a little more than 4 minutes from my last 10k, or about 42 second a mile)! No one stopped me for directions. And, I did get brunch afterwards, and Dunkin Donuts, and also a turkey sandwich for lunch later from our favorite Santa Monica sandwich spot.

Overall the race wasn’t too bad – the weather was beyond, my playlist was out of this world (Thanks Cor and Lauren!) and I was feeling it with all the running and yoga prep I did. Plus, being surrounded by other runners and supporters doesn’t hurt!

BIG thanks to Mike, who not only LET ME BORROW HIS SUNGLASSES FOR THE RACE (which is like, a really big deal here in the bright + beautiful LA) but also waited for us to finish, stood around while we got drinks/water, and also took a million photos for us!

More photos to come, but here are a few:

 

10k

dunkin