Category Archives: A Letter

that’s why Rosa sat on the bus/that’s why we walk through Ferguson with our hands up

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selma

I saw the movie Selma two nights ago and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I’ve been thinking about Eric Garner and Michael Brown and all of the other senseless killings that have happened and will happen since people marched in Selma, Alabama.

2014 has been a year of awakening for me and those around me in the world of feminism and racism and bigotry. It’s always been there – that we know. Every year there are senseless acts of violence all around us that have to do with all kinds of isms that make me feel so dispirited about the human condition. But this year, I know I stood up more and said, “No you don’t know what it’s like. Let me show you.”

I walked home from the movie theater at 10:00 pm after seeing Selma. I had my headphones on low because it was 10:00 pm, and I live in Hollywood, and I am a woman. Maybe if I was a man I’d do the same, I don’t know, but I only know my own experience: as a woman, I have to be looking out constantly for what’s around me. I check in front of me and behind me, side to side, I keep my head up and keep my eyes alert.

I know my own neighborhood, and I never felt unsafe on the fifteen minute walk home, but all women can attest that not only do you notice the faces around you (check out this post for a perfect explanation) because there could be danger anywhere, but also because of the little voice in the back of your head where you hear the questions people would ask if you were assaulted or worse: “Well, what was she wearing? Did she have headphones in? Why was she walking alone? Was she even looking around her? Did she have her phone out?”

I take this experience of walking home alone at 10:00 pm in a crowded city in yoga pants with headphones on, and I think about what it’d be like to be African-American, or any minority or anyone that looks different and think about the fact that they live with that every day. Every minute. Day or night, sunshine or not.

They think about what they look like. Who’s around them. What will be said if something happens to them. “Well what was he wearing, a hoodie? Who wears a hoodie? Were his pants on low? Did she defend herself with words? Did he reach at our around his waist or anywhere in his jacket or his shirt or in any way do a otherwise normal human action that would indicate that maybe he had a gun? Did she speak directly to the cop instead of getting on the ground immediately, hands up, despite not actually having done anything illegal?”

It’s tiring, you guys. It’s tiring to live in a world where the media tells women that they should be confident in a mini skirt but not too confident, because boys can’t help themselves, after all. It’s tiring to see another person pulled over because they look “off” to a police officer. It’s tiring to know that kids are getting shot for having fake guns (that we tell them it’s OK to own) and that they’re getting shot for having no guns at all. For walking in the street.

It’s tiring for people to blame it on the fact that they talked back to a cop (I mean, let’s be real, who hasn’t? Erin and Shane can back me up that cop in Meijer circa 2003 was being a jerk). It’s tiring to hear people blame it on the fact that maybe he had a little marijuana on him, or she was friends with drug dealers, or generally was a “bad seed.” Victim blaming is hateful, despicable, and ignorant.

We’re on the edge of 2015. Selma happened 50 years ago. 50 YEARS AGO. How are we still here? That’s not to say we haven’t made progress, because obviously we have. That President Barack Obama was elected is just one small testament to the fact that we’ve been fighting and working as a people to make changes. But we have so much further to go. Women deserve to be treated equally. Minorities deserve to be treated equally. EVERYONE deserves to be treated equally.

It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to say “Not me, I have a life and I’m doing that and ignoring the rest.” But as I heard on the radio this morning: to give up is a luxury. Because there are people who can’t ignore what’s going on, myself included. Because we live it, every day. I take the minuscule times a day I feel less than because I am a woman, and I can’t help but think enough is enough.

Enough is enough, you guys. Let’s make 2015 count. All (wo)men created equal. All men created equal. Let’s stand up in 2015. Let’s make changes. Let’s question authority and establishment, and status quo. Let’s finish what Jimmie Lee Jackson, and Martin Luther King, and Rosa Parks, and Viola Liuzzo started. #marchon

Missed Connections \\ Missed Opportunities

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Tonight, I listened to a live stream from Ami Dar, who is the founder of Idealist. It was a really inspiring lecture that resonates with me personally, and really excites me for the future. Let me tell you why.

When I first moved to LA, I really wanted to volunteer somewhere locally. When I lived in Michigan, I worked for the Parks and Recreation department teaching three year olds different sports, and refereeing soccer. I love working with kids, and I love sports, and I love teaching. So I thought that I should find something that combined all of these things out in California so I could meet people in my community.

But when I started Googling “youth soccer programs Los Angeles” I had a really hard time getting ahold of someone…I called Rec centers, I emailed them, I looked at leagues and schools, desperately searching for a volunteer opportunity that could fit into my schedule.

Enter Pasadena Yes. Almost five years ago, on March 18, 2009, I emailed Jeff Brown about his program, Pasadena Yes, asking if he needed volunteers for his organization.

He emailed me back the next day, telling me to come to the school on April 4 to help out with the soccer program. I knew the kids would be 4 to 9. And I knew not much else. So on April 4, I showed up, and I met Jeff and Gabriel and other coaches in the program.

Five years later, I am still coaching (and now running) the soccer program at Pasadena Yes. I had Jeff (my Jeff) redesign the website for the organization. I have him come occasionally and take photos. I roped Rebecca into coaching for a few seasons, and Liz, and since 2012 I have somehow been lucky enough to have Brian as my co-coach. I’ve coached soccer, and basketball, and volleyball. I’ve made Ryan come for a Saturday and make himself available in the future, and had Jen and Corelyn and countless other people come to the final game of the season and cheer on my kids.

I love coaching soccer, I love making a difference, and I love my Saturday mornings outside under the sun. And I know that if I hadn’t been brave enough (which really isn’t all that brave) to email a stranger and show up at a random gym on a Saturday morning, I would not be 15 seasons in to a program that has changed my life.

So how does this have to do with Idealist? Well, if I was a little shyer, I would never have just emailed someone randomly and signed myself up for coaching alone. But, lucky for me, I am pretty outgoing. Idealist’s new plan to connect people to each other locally and world wide reminds me of the questions I normally get when people ask how I got involved: how, why, this is volunteer?!” 

You can get overwhelmed online with information; I know because I once looked into opening a community garden in my neighborhood and quickly got too overwhelmed figuring out what permits I’d need, etc. But it would have been really nice if I had a friend to split that work with. Enter Idealist. This new network of Connectors can start community gardens, and women’s groups, and soccer programs, and educate programs, and will help find experts who are looking to teach, for novices looking to learn, and for those in between who have a few hours to spare helping a cause they care deeply about.

Idealist can explain it better than I can, so I’ll lead you to their site for more information on what this network will mean. But I encourage you to join in, to take part in making our world a better place – whatever that may mean for you.

all of them started with the word “sorry.”

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About a month ago, I watched this video of Lily Myers reading her poem called Shrinking Women.

I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. As a young woman, I have had four professional jobs out of college. At all four of them, at one time or another, I have had a female boss. I have had strong willed bosses that are classified as “bitches” when they advocate for themselves and their staff, and other bosses who don’t live up to their management potential for one reason or another. Through it all, I have seen how standing up for your staff, being maternal while firm, is a hard line to walk as a woman.

More than anything, I have seen how often women say “I’m sorry.” Because I am a strong willed woman who knows what she wants and says it, I often have been labeled as bossy (sometimes by my bosses themselves!) and can be seen as abrasive or “bitchy.” So when I watched that video, I felt like I was lucky to have grown up with strong females around me who tell you to go out, get what you want, and don’t think twice. They taught me not to use being a woman as an excuse, and to stop whining already.

And yet, the line that stuck me was when Lily talks about how when she asks questions, she qualifies them with, “Sorry,…”

I have caught myself continually writing, “I’m sorry,” into emails and other correspondence, professionally and otherwise, before asking a question, asking someone a favor, or simply asking someone to do their job. I have stopped doing this as often as possible unless I should actually be sorry for the thing I am asking someone to do.

It’s hard. Do it today. Every time you start to write, “Sorry” see why you’re writing it. Are you asking someone to do something because you screwed up? Are you asking them to do something sucky, like count the number of clear push pins on a bulletin board? Or, are you asking them for something that is part of their job, part of their role, or just something you know they’ll know?

You don’t have to be sorry to email me and ask me a cooking question, or how to use Photoshop or WordPress or a camera, or if you can come over this weekend to borrow something from Jeff (like a drill or a table) or me (like a headlamp or a dress.) You don’t have to be sorry to ask me if I can send you a file for work, or respond to your email, or check my documents to see if something has be mailed that should have been mailed.

Watch Lily’s video, guys. And stop saying sorry. You owe it to all the women (and men) out there to stop acting like your need for knowledge, information, or tools is something to be sorry for.

World Blood Donor Day

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Hey y’all. As you might know from this post I did on my sister’s blog, here, about the Red Cross and donating blood, but I wanted to bring it up here because today is World Blood Donor Day, and because I know all of you care about making a difference! I hope that some of you can join me when I am eligible to give again in August, or between now and then if you want a companion! Here’s some info about what exactly happens with a blood donation!www.redcrossblood.org-sites-arc-files-generic_infographic_m_2.pdf

Ten years gone by

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One more thing on the oh-so-prevalent news stories of the day, friends.

Ten years ago, when I was in high school, I wrote an article for my town’s paper on homosexuality and the right to marry and asking my community why accepting gay people as one of our own was a problem. This was one of the emails I received:

Dear Jennie,

I read your column in the Chelsea Standard. I know that it is an opinion page , however I would like to ask you if you have done any research into the topic of homosexuality?

To be a responsible journalist you need to write from a view point after researching both sides of an issue. From your writing, it is clear that you are misinformed as to the reality of homosexuality and the effects on the person, marriage, children and
eventually society.

I would encourage you to research this from another angle. Focus on the Family at family.org can provide you with some very interesting data from those who were homosexual and have come out of the lifestyle. The facts and testimonies they will provide you will enlighten you both medically and psychologically. This is a moral issue for many, however if you have ever given blood you will see that the questions asked by the Red Cross highlights the unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle that it is. That is from a medical standpoint, something the activists would like to hide.

Also, you seem to be very critical of conservative people. Are you aware that in the forming of our country, those with conservative (Christian) viewpoint created the law that we now uphold? Our country was founded on these principles. Because of that we are one of the most civilized country in the world. In fact, those without religious convictions could not be involved in most governmental decisions. You are taking a very short sighted view of principles and a value system that has made America what it is. Even if you do not uphold Christian principles, you have to ask yourself where you/others get your morals, or sense of right and wrong? What makes right/right or wrong/wrong?
Yes, there are absolutes in our world. There is cause and effect for immoral behavior.

Have you researched the long term affects of children adopted by homosexuals? Girls growing up with lesbian mothers or boys with no father? Children need both male and female to grow as healthy as possible. That is not what someone dreamed up- that is what is physically necessary to produce children.

These issues not only have moral implications but societal as well. Is it their “right” to have a child in these abnormal circumstances? Is it right that a family with a married man and woman should be denied a child because of homosexual rights to adopt a child? Which family would you have wanted to grow up in?

Are you aware that in California, all children from kindergarten up have to be taught that homosexuality is “normal” and “desirable”? That was the work of homosexual activists. Even though the medical profession admits that homosexual practices are unhealthy and even deadly, they are still touting it as “normal” to children.

Please research this topic from a different perspective being open to something you may not have learned as of yet. Consult Focus on the Family @ family.org for books and articles to read. The Family Research Council in Washington D.C will also provide you with enlightening information. The “Love Won Out” conferences and Exodus International have been very successful in reaching /healing these hurting people without enabling an unhealthy and destructive lifestyle.

I’m posting this because 10 years ago, I didn’t necessarily have an outlet to share this. 10 years ago, I realized that the God that everyone claimed to worship on Sunday was not the same God I thought existed, if there even was a god. 10 years ago, this letter came from a fellow church goer, someone else’s father, to me, claiming that I hadn’t done my job as a journalist.

I’m posting this because I see all over facebook and twitter and the like everyone supporting the cause of the right to marry who you want, but I want to make sure your acting. That you’re not just sitting on facebook liking red equal signs, and telling people who you know agree with you that they’re right.

I’m posting this because 10 years ago, this email made my skin crawl and made me question the small town I was living in. And 10 years later, this makes my skin crawl and makes me question (some) of the people in that small town. And small towns all over this nation. And the big cities, too, because California is where Prop 8 started, after all.

So if this email makes your skin crawl like it did mine, then I ask this of you: We all need to dig a littler deeper, talk a little louder, and tell someone we don’t know, someone who doesn’t agree with us, why this is important. That is where we make a difference. This is how we move forward. This is how we change.