marriage | Providential Life

I have been getting a lot questions that are basically this: “Why didn’t you take your husband’s last name, what kind of wife are you?!”

Some are just asking because they’re curious. Others are asking because they’re judging, one way or the other, feminist or traditionalist or what have you. The variations I’ve gotten are, “So what’s your last name now?”, or “What is your new last name?”, or “You didn’t change it?” followed by a silent judging stare…they go on and on, and they’ve kept up even though I’ve been married for almost six months.

Every time I feel just a little more indignant that people (save my close friends/family) even think it’s appropriate to ask that question. I don’t mind if people are like, “What is your email address?” But I mind people placing me in a box that I don’t think should exist.

The reasons are big and small. Here are some of them. I kept my last name:

* Because I said so.
* Because I like it, and my parents gave it to me, and I like them, too.
* Because Nikki did, setting precedent for me to as well.
* Because what? Why is this question even being asked of me?
* Because feminism.
* Because I love my husband more than most things on this planet but I love myself too and Jennie Palluzzi sounds great.
* Because Palluzzi is who I am.
* Because I am the only Jennie Palluzzi.
* Because Palluzzi Pizza, duh.
* Because I am lazy and didn’t want to change anything.
* Because to be honest, I didn’t really think that hard about it. I just thought, “Hey I am getting married.” In my head, marriage is a lot of things, but it’s not my name.
* Because Jeff didn’t mind, either, because the person he fell in love with was Jennie Palluzzi, as it turns out.

Now, if you change your name, awesome for you! If you hyphenate, great! If you have your husband or partner take your name, cool! Do what you want! I don’t care! You be you! CAN I LIVE?

One more thing on the oh-so-prevalent news stories of the day, friends.

Ten years ago, when I was in high school, I wrote an article for my town’s paper on homosexuality and the right to marry and asking my community why accepting gay people as one of our own was a problem. This was one of the emails I received:

Dear Jennie,

I read your column in the Chelsea Standard. I know that it is an opinion page , however I would like to ask you if you have done any research into the topic of homosexuality?

To be a responsible journalist you need to write from a view point after researching both sides of an issue. From your writing, it is clear that you are misinformed as to the reality of homosexuality and the effects on the person, marriage, children and
eventually society.

I would encourage you to research this from another angle. Focus on the Family at family.org can provide you with some very interesting data from those who were homosexual and have come out of the lifestyle. The facts and testimonies they will provide you will enlighten you both medically and psychologically. This is a moral issue for many, however if you have ever given blood you will see that the questions asked by the Red Cross highlights the unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle that it is. That is from a medical standpoint, something the activists would like to hide.

Also, you seem to be very critical of conservative people. Are you aware that in the forming of our country, those with conservative (Christian) viewpoint created the law that we now uphold? Our country was founded on these principles. Because of that we are one of the most civilized country in the world. In fact, those without religious convictions could not be involved in most governmental decisions. You are taking a very short sighted view of principles and a value system that has made America what it is. Even if you do not uphold Christian principles, you have to ask yourself where you/others get your morals, or sense of right and wrong? What makes right/right or wrong/wrong?
Yes, there are absolutes in our world. There is cause and effect for immoral behavior.

Have you researched the long term affects of children adopted by homosexuals? Girls growing up with lesbian mothers or boys with no father? Children need both male and female to grow as healthy as possible. That is not what someone dreamed up- that is what is physically necessary to produce children.

These issues not only have moral implications but societal as well. Is it their “right” to have a child in these abnormal circumstances? Is it right that a family with a married man and woman should be denied a child because of homosexual rights to adopt a child? Which family would you have wanted to grow up in?

Are you aware that in California, all children from kindergarten up have to be taught that homosexuality is “normal” and “desirable”? That was the work of homosexual activists. Even though the medical profession admits that homosexual practices are unhealthy and even deadly, they are still touting it as “normal” to children.

Please research this topic from a different perspective being open to something you may not have learned as of yet. Consult Focus on the Family @ family.org for books and articles to read. The Family Research Council in Washington D.C will also provide you with enlightening information. The “Love Won Out” conferences and Exodus International have been very successful in reaching /healing these hurting people without enabling an unhealthy and destructive lifestyle.

I’m posting this because 10 years ago, I didn’t necessarily have an outlet to share this. 10 years ago, I realized that the God that everyone claimed to worship on Sunday was not the same God I thought existed, if there even was a god. 10 years ago, this letter came from a fellow church goer, someone else’s father, to me, claiming that I hadn’t done my job as a journalist.

I’m posting this because I see all over facebook and twitter and the like everyone supporting the cause of the right to marry who you want, but I want to make sure your acting. That you’re not just sitting on facebook liking red equal signs, and telling people who you know agree with you that they’re right.

I’m posting this because 10 years ago, this email made my skin crawl and made me question the small town I was living in. And 10 years later, this makes my skin crawl and makes me question (some) of the people in that small town. And small towns all over this nation. And the big cities, too, because California is where Prop 8 started, after all.

So if this email makes your skin crawl like it did mine, then I ask this of you: We all need to dig a littler deeper, talk a little louder, and tell someone we don’t know, someone who doesn’t agree with us, why this is important. That is where we make a difference. This is how we move forward. This is how we change.