i want to be fearless in my creative self

Tonight I was supposed to start my 5k training leading to a 10K training leading to a 7 mile race in March. It was supposed to be a rest day, but then my week plans weren’t going to work with my training, so I made my first running day Monday.

I wasn’t feeling well today, and when the time came to run I just didn’t want to. But one of my coworkers also was having a bad day, and I told her to go to the gym, and that I would go running, and then it’d be Tuesday. So I had a snack. And then I changed, and I went for a run.

I like to listen to music as much as anyone else, but I find when I am running I like to listen to something that can last the whole run, like a podcast. I was fresh out of the Katniss Chronicles, and I somehow didn’t have a RadioLab fully downloaded (I know, that’s shocking) so I decided that I was going to listen to the rest of the Matt Nathanson Patcast.

It’s episode one of Pat Monahan’s show (of the band Train) and it’s basically Matt and Pat just chatting about their lives and careers, and it’s mind blowing because I love them both, and I didn’t know that they were friends, and they sing together on the podcast, and it’s marvelous.

At one point, Matt is talking about the creative process, and he is talking about how when he writes he just wants to be able to do whatever he wants, without judgement or criticism, because that hinders the process. And he says, eloquently, between MANY quotes including the beloved eff word (I kind of like that he swears as much as I seem to), “I want to be fearless in my creative self.”

That really resonated with me, while I was out there running, so much so that I listened to that section of the podcast twice. I feel that when I am cooking the kitchen. I feel that when I am writing for this blog, just for myself. I feel that running, when I want to run for fitness, not to get faster, or get better.

Because the getting better part, it comes. Whether you’re consciously pushing for it, or not, you become a better chef if you continue to persevere in the kitchen. You get better at communication if you write it down. You become a faster runner, and you build your endurance, if you run several times a week. If you think fearlessly, you can push past boundaries that society, or friends, or family, or even you, put on you.

You don’t need to constantly wonder if what you’re doing is getting better, or is better than someone else, or is different. You just have to be true to yourself. You have to be fearless. If you’re fearless, there’s no failure, because you’re being you, and your creativity is worth something, whether it’s on a guitar, in the kitchen, or on the page.

So here’s to running to run. And cooking to cook. And writing a maybe shitty song because you feel the harmony in your heart and you just need to get it out, lyrics be damned. Or maybe, writing your next hit, writing the recipe that’ll inspire a cookbook, or finally, finally running the fastest mile of your life.

Happy almost Tuesday, everyone.